And what you do not know is the only thing you know

I Found this rather gnostic poem by TS Elliot, part of the “East Coker”:

In order to arrive there,
To arrive where you are, to get from where you are not,
You must go by a way wherein there is no ecstasy.

In order to arrive at what you do not know
You must go by a way which is the way of ignorance.

In order to possess what you do not possess
You must go by the way of dispossession.

In order to arrive at what you are not
You must go through the way in which you are not.

And what you do not know is the only thing you know
And what you own is what you do not own
And where you are is where you are not.

 

Confidence and Arrogance

"When you are good at something, it creates confidence. When you are insecure of something, it creates arrogance"
(The guy at Master Chef-who seems to be mean) well said, Sir!

I'll miss you :)

I have been inhabiting this room for 7 months now. I like it very much. The flat screen tv, the cozy matrass, the spacious floor area, the wooden table, the bathroom inside, the cloth hanger.. It's just so nice. I feel bad for leaving this room.

What I will miss the most is this. Going back home in the evening to this room. Having hot shower, then tuck my self in the bed. Hide underneath the thick blanket, in this position where I am now, half sitting half sleeping. Playing with my blackberry while watching star tv, air cond on, blanket all over me. Aircond remote, tv remote and laptop connected to wifi are all in reachable distance. Some snack and beverages as well. It's my little heaven :)

Unfortunately this flat is located in an unsafe area. I have heard many bad things and have experience thief in my house. The dog in this house is mad, makes me nervous every time I enter and exit the house. The road become very quiet and dark already at 8pm. My neighbors are the kind of people that scare me, like men without clothes pee on the street, gambling with loud music till late night... Long story short, I don't feel comfortable with the security in this area.

So I have a new flat, in the centre of the city. And I have moved almost all my stuff there. Yet I haven't let my self move there. I will miss this room a lot. I will miss this, doing exactly what I am doing now.., a lot.

This blog post is a memoir to remember this cozy room. I'll create your twin, one day in the house that I'll build with my own effort. Amin.

To Asha

As I walked home from Sumatra restaurant just now.. I was hugging Mova in my mind. Holding his hand, stood next to him at RSCM hospital.

Asha.., you are annoying; you are slow and spoiled, very ignorant and laid back. You don't know a thing about taking care of yourself. But you are funny, you make me laugh, smile, you make me enjoy the present. The best time of my day is the time I come home and tell you everything about today and then you would sing for me and dance and hug and kiss me.

Asha, you make me happy. You are my best friend. I love you deeply. I miss you so so so much.

Get well and come home soon, sayang.
-Ayahang.

It's Mulia's blog post, not Mova :)

For those who feel odd reading how galau, how cheesy and corny some of the blog post can be.. Well, u should know that this Blog is co authored by me, mulia, mova's wife.

Mova mainly write about academic stuff and popular issues. I write the random thoughts, galau posts and cheesy, corny- you name it- stuff. Make no mistake, Mova is not cheesy or corny or galau, at least not in public. I am. Hehehe. Guilty as charge :D

To God :)

Allah, I don't know where should I write this down. I just feel better when I write my mind down.

Thank you for tonight. I don't know why I deserve this. After what I have done to my self, abandoning you in me. You poked my mind tonight. You make me realize of one underlying cause of my unhappiness inside. I have fear, I am faithless. That's why I have been so unsettled.

Thank you and you know I am now crying out loud now in my heart. I am so happy and joyful tonight, to feel your love again. I have no doubt of absolute love. Because I feel your love no matter how badly I abandon you inside and outside.

I will kill this fear away. I will gain my full faith in you. It is never too late.

Love,
Mulia :)

Knowing what I want

Over the years, I learn something about my self. And I've done some thinking, and reflecting back. In short:

No matter how certain I am about what I want, I will feel doubt again when I get the exact thing I want. So, to know what I want is not my concern anymore. My concern is to be happy with what I have :)